NEWS: MAKE HISTORY, HISTORY

23/04/2009

Audiences mad enough to nestle their ears up to their favourite news outlet last week could faintly ascertain the media solemnly urging us all to “Make History, History.”

 

So persuasive the slogan seemed, one would expect Bob Geldof to be pulling the strings. 

 

Of course anyone is better than F. Scott Fitzgerald and his dour tales of Wall Street collapse.  Especially if that someone is frumpy Doctress Feelgood Susan Boyle with her sonorous reminder that anything is possible with Simon Cowell. 

 

With the past behind us we can focus on much more important things.

 

Like our Prime Minister’s inability to muster a sincere smile on Number 10 TV.  Or the recent Eastenders writ large in  the political blogosphere, starring Gordon Brown as the devious puppet master, Damian McBride as the brutish henchman, and Jacqui Smith as the deviant villain.

 

Now if only Apple would hurry up with their "History Sucks" iPhone App...

 

Let’s Talk About Atavism

 

No one, barring Kevin Costner, could have predicted the inconceivable return of maritime piracy. While the authorities have been making headway with file sharing sites like PirateBay, little has been achieved by way of stemming the scourge of Somali piracy.

 

While twisted hopes for the reintroduction of the dreaded plank or a new strain of scurvy may appear to be the best way forward, Hilary Clinton has a more humane plan.

 

If that doesn’t work there is always NY Times columnist Thomas Friedman’s strangely Maoist hope for the resurrection of the doctrine of total war.

 

Onward Afghanistan

 

Speaking of failed states, Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley meet Hamid Karzai, Afghani hybrid of modern and traditional taste and darling of the Allied Powers. 

 

Try to ignore the most recent legislation emanating from Kabul binding Shia women to “give a positive response to the sexual desire of her husband.”

 

While some would call this a continuation of the Taliban’s oppressive policies toward women, expert realists call it consensus building. 

 

Demo-crazy

 

It seems the world has finally gone demo-crazy.  With various sources casting their imperious eye over upcoming elections in South Africa and India, the ghost of Orient’s past is reportedly up to no good.

 

Whether it’s Big Man Jacob Zuma and the ANC’s so overwhelming it must be irregular victory in South Africa or India’s infinitely complex voting system, something is afoul with Plato’s ideal.

 

Technopolies

 

Who said monopoly is a bad thing?  With Google making its imperial ambitions known by launching a bid to take over Twitter, some commentators are concerned about what they see as “destructive, anti-civic forces of the internet.”

 

Obviously, they have not tried Google Chrome, Google, Inc's answer to the ancient Internet Explorer.  If they had, it would be clear that technology is our answer to the vexed question of the past.